extra credit essay: first aid

Write part of a short story (science fiction, murder mystery, romance or whatever, your choice), using vocabulary from size up the scene, initial assessment (primary survey) and secondary assessment (secondary survey) in the story in a way that shows you know what the words mean.

Have the hero (or a villain?) check the scene and do

a primary survey (initial assessment) on one 'victim' - write details,

and a secondary survey (secondary assessment) on a second 'victim' - write details. Include all of S.A.M.P.L.E., the O,P,Q,R,S,T and levels of consciousness (see Simple secondary survey study sheet).

Extreme, unnecessary grossness that keeps your instructor from finishing reading your once-in-a-lifetime-best-paper will also keep you from getting credit for it.

Previous first aid students have had fun with the short story assignment.

Here are excerpts: (Please note they are just parts of a story. If you write anything this short you will not get much credit for it.) Please also note that the phrase "check, call, care" might not sound familiar to you as it is used in a different first aid class than lifeguard training.

Out of nowhere, a moose, a grizzly bear and a ground squirrel cautiously walked up... the moose opened his mouth and said "Poor dumb human. What is he doing here anyway?" "I don't know," replied the grizzly, "but we'd better get that girl over here to administer some first aid."... I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. Were they talking about me? I had taken a first aid class a few years ago. In fact, that's where I had met my boyfriend. But we spent so much time flirting with each other that I didn't pay attention to the instructor.... My mind was reeling. I knew there were steps I was supposed to take in an emergency situation, but what were they? Oh yes, check for consciousness. The bear already did that. "Oh No, Oh No! Now what? I know! It's check, check, oh, what's after check?!?" The bear turned toward me. "Stupid human, don't make me eat you. It's check, call, care."

His pulse and respiration were okay, but a bruise was forming on his forehead. It's great that I don't have to do CPR on Dave, she thought-- Betty would have a fit--doing it to her date! Betty had been so quick to say UGH when I had told her one day what we had to do in the first aid class.

To think me, V---- L----, not only famous now for saving someone's life, but the life of Elvis Presley, someone who had been pronounced dead years ago. The story I am about to tell would seem completely unreal, but if you watch the news you will know it is true..... never having gone to Missouri before .... A 57 Chevy smashed into a tree.....

"Do you feel any numbness or tingling?

"I wish I did."

"Do you have any medical conditions?"

"Yeah, a weight problem, that and the whole world, outside of Lisa Marie, thinks I'm dead."

...our Nin-jitsu master lay hidden...quickly pounced on Harold and flipped out, the way that Ninjas do and made Harold unconscious before he knew what happened... the king had taken first aid from his local chapter of the medieval Red Cross...The king checked for pulse at the carotid artery and got an extremely weak pulse. Nicholas stopped there and sighed, thinking it was really one of those days. If only he would have brought his portable Morse code emitter, but no, he wanted to pack light...

...there is nothing in the green sheet to indicate that the term paper for Health 57A cannot be written by the student's cat...I knew from studying the First Aid material with my human that when an adult is unconscious, it is best to call for help immediately...I spotted the cell phone clipped to her waistband. To my relief, I had reprogrammed her cell phone just the day before so that her emergency speed dial called the local seven digit emergency number rather than 911...While she made the call for help, I checked the ABC's. I was a little concerned since no medical company makes protective gear for felines, but I decided to take the health risk and give care anyway...Because he fell face down, I didn't have to worry about keeping his airway open until help arrived. The EMT might "freak" if he saw a cat with one paw pushing the man's forehead back and one paw under the chin... Besides, without thumbs, I doubted I could do the jaw thrust, either.

I was lying on the floor, happily dozing next to my master's chair, when she suddenly passed out and slumped to the ground. Now, my master has fallen asleep in her chair before, but this time was different. I could sense that something was terribly wrong. I whined and licked her face, but she didn't respond...I barked at the cat to call for help. The fat little tabby looked at me like I must be rabid or something, but I reminded her about the button on the phone that we'd seen our master use to call the police when there'd been a breakin next door... I raced to the telephone. I knocked the receiver from the cradle and mashed the button with my paw, hoping I hit the right one. When someone answered "Nine-one-one emergency," I knew I hit it. ..I barked frantically, wishing I'd learned to speak human.

He reached his destination at 2:30 a.m. It was a house in a remote area, so it was very easy for him to do his burglary...Although he was pretty sure the owners didn't have an alarm or a dog, he waited patiently at the door for more than a minute before venturing in. It was all a part of his "safe workplace practices"...went straight to the study...hidden safe...triggered the security device... The two men stared at each other for a few seconds...Anthony lunged at the other man trying to wrestle the baseball bat out of his hand. Both of them fell to the floor and David hit his head on the door knob...serious damage. Although his first impulse was to get the hell out, a sense of guilt and remorse stopped him...Anthony had taken a first aid course some time back. Being in his profession he figured it would be useful sooner or later. He tried to recall all that he had learned. "Check, Call, Care," he muttered as it slowly came back to him. His training was going to be put to good use here because soon he was going to get a second person also to care for..."Are you okay, man?"..."Never felt better" came the reply through clenched teeth..."Do you feel any pain?" All he got back was an angry glare. "Look, I am sorry about the breaking in part, but I am trying to help you now."

Two lightsabers clash in the throne room on the Death Star, as Luke Skywalker and his father, the evil Sith Lord, Darth Vader duel to determine the fate of the Universe...

Vader quickly lay on the floor; his mostly robotic body badly damaged, and what was left of his human flesh, badly injured. Skywalker realizing he had won the duel, saving the universe and restoring peace and balance back to the force, turned his back to his father, Lord Vader, and started to walk away from the scene. Skywalker hadn't taken more than a couple of steps before he heard a familiar wispy voice in his head, "Luke, save your father"; it was Obi-Wan Kenobi, his old Jedi master. "Use first aid, trust your feelings, Luke", Kenobi continued to say. Skywalker quickly turned around, to aid his father, but before he ran back, he checked the scene, for safety, making sure no Storm Troopers or Imperial Guards were at the scene. Not seeing any Troopers or Guards, and no one to call for help, as everyone else on the Death Star would like to see him dead, Skywalker ran back to the scene to apply first aid, and hopefully save his father...

Skywalker could see his father had several severe lacerations on his body from Skywalker's own lightsaber. Putting his gloves on first, he reached into his Jedi Knight first aid kit, pulled out several sterile gauze patches and using the Force applied one patch at a time and wrapped it with a bandage, to each injured area...

Skywalker continued ... until advanced medical personal arrived. But to no avail, they never arrived. In some ways Skywalker was relieved, as he would have surely been taken prisoner...A few moments later, Anakin passed away in is son's arms... In trying to save his fathers life, Skywalker successfully helped his father come back to the good side of the Force. In doing so, Skywalker saved his fathers soul and began to restore peace and balance to the Force.

See also a story from a CPR class:

The Day I Saved the Governator

Need more inspiration for an extra credit mini-term paper like these?

There are pages and pages of bad writing (well, an international literary parody contest) at: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ including adventure, children's literature, detective, purple prose, romance, spy, science fiction, vile pun and western winners.

Your instructor has entered this contest but not won anything.

For help with your writing, try:

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/

there is a selection of goofs at that site at:

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/goofs.htm